Too Much Too Late
by Jade Cade
Summary: I can't take much more of this. Those were Johnny's words. Now there Pony's too. Cutting
1. Chapter 1

Too Much, Too Late

Jade- This is one I wrote last year and lost before I got a chance to type it.

Soda- She made a few minor changes on it...

Jade- Oh and, I am totally redoing _Taking Sides. _I liked writing the story from the beginning but with the messed up format and everything..

Soda- Now she's doing it using bigger words, more detail, taking the corny stuff out and changing Kate's character a bit.

Disclaimer- If I own anything please let me know.

XOXOX

Pony's POV

I sat on the bed, hoping and praying to awake from this terrible nightmare I seemed to be trapped in.

It's been a week since Johnny and Dally's deaths. It hurts something terrible. I feel guilty for living when they didn't get to. I know Dally really had nothing to live for without Johnny. His whole purpose for living was to love and protect Johnny. He told me so himself..

Johnny says it was worth it to save the kids. At least those kids were loved by their parents. They had a bright future ahead. Johnny made a sacrifice and died with no regrets.

I remember clearly the words he said at the lot after Cherry and Marcia left with Bob and Randy. I remember so well because the same exact words are now my own thoughts.

"I can't take much more of this. I'll kill myself or something."

I can almost hear Johnny's voice echoing through my head. Johnny's voice isn't all I hear. I also hear Dallas telling me "Get tough like me... and nothing can touch you." Was he referring I go beyond the point of caring? I know he was...

Soda stumbled in at that moment and my gaze snapped up to meet his. His eyes seemed to have lost some of their usual glow. He seemed drained, hopeless and tired. He flopped down on the bed and his eyes were closed before his head could hit the pillow.

I crept silently over to the desk, grabbing my switchblade before I shut myself into the bathroom. I sat on the edge of the tub and flicked open the switch. I slowly turned the blade around, watching with fascination as the light bounced off the silver blade. I brought the blade to my wrist, feeling the cool metal and seeing the silver contrast with my pale skin. Applying a steady amount of pressure I began to trace lazy designs in my skin. I relished in the way it took away my pain. The distraction from reality. My cure.

There was a knock on the bathroom door... I didn't have time to react before Soda came in. I could feel the horror in his eyes as I brought the blade up in the air, licking my blood off of it.

"Pony! Don't!" he cried as he took a step forward, lunging for the blade. I brought the blade down hard, feeling the blood pour out of my slit wrist.

"Too Late..." I whispered before darkness tugged at my mind.

XOXOX

Jade- I don't think I'm gonna kill him..

Soda- I hate you, Jade..

Jade- I know, it's the classic, 'You killed my loved one.' I've heard it before Soda.

Soda- Review and make her update... Then we can find out if she killed my kid brother or not...


	2. Chapter 2

Too Much Too Late

Chapter 2

Jade- Wow.. to all those over the years that demanded an update.. I guess today's your lucky day. I did something. I have not read or written anything from the Outsiders for months so I apologize if I butchered any of the characters too much. Pony is an exception. He's not feeling well. He can be out of character. Not much longer of a chapter, sorry.

Soda- She is still awaiting a letter telling her she owns something.

Jade- I do own something! 2000 bucks and a magazine! Read on.. then review if you'd like another chapter before next year. I'll try to whip something up.

There was light. Painfully bright light. I tried to shut my eyes against it. Nothing happened. The light's dimmed and the sound of voices reached my ears. Even with the light dimmed I couldn't see where they came from. I heard them again. Dally and Johnny. They wouldn't leave me alone. Those ever-familiar haunting words, echoing and echoing in my head.

"_I can't take much more of this. I'll kill myself or something."_

"_Get tough like me... and nothing can touch you."_

Then there was silence, the heavy silence that weighted on you like a thick blanket. Then they started again yet it was different. Dallas sounded angry, Johnny sounded desperate. The words changed.

"_Pony, you unbelievable moron!"_

"_This isn't golden, Ponyboy. You promised me."_

The memories crashed into me then, like a freight train. Like the train that took my mother and father.

"_Oh my baby boy. What happened? You were so strong."_

Mom? She was right though. After her and Dad died Darry, me, and Soda had to be strong. We had to pull together and carry on. This time was just too much for me though. Now I felt guilty. It wasn't fair for any of them. Two-bit and Soda and Darry. Not even Steve should have to cope with Dally and Johnny _and_ me! I was so selfish trying to escape my own pain that I made everyone else suffer even more!

The light from before brightened again. I groaned and tried to move away as it burned my eyes. More voices, louder this time. The first I distinguished was female with that classic Okalahoma twang.

"_What have you done with your gown?"_

"_I threw it out. Get out. You're making me sick."_

A dry sob forced it's way out of my parched throat.

"There's a change in his condition. Alert those boys in the lobby. They've been here for days."

A quiet swish of a door opening and closing before silence again reigned. Except it wasn't silent. Now that I focused, I could hear the rythmetic beep and my own raspy breath. The nurse was shuffling around; footsteps could be heard thumping down the hall outside my door. But I still couldn't see anything. I tried to open my eyes. The door burst open with shouts all calling my name.

"Quiet boys. The bump to his head seems to have jarred his brain. I'm sorry but it's doubtful he will make a full recovery."

Bump to my head? Full recovery? What were they talking about? I slashed my wrists open, not jumped off the roof.

"So that's it? My kid brother really is blind?" Soda's voice was deadpan. Or just dead, flat, lifeless. Not the usual tone heard from his bubbly persona. Blind? I was blind. I thought I was still floating somewhere between life and death. I gasped as the realization hit me. I was blind! I'd never be able to see again. And the last image I remember was the look of pure unadulterated horror on Soda's face and my own blood glistening wetly on the switchblade. If the beeping of the machine was anything to go by, my heart became erratic as panic set in. There was a commotion from the gang though actual words failed to penetrate the stifling blanket of fear. Then it faded away. The nurse must have injected something to calm me into the IV bag I was sure had to be a part of the assembly. I floated there, in a drug induced haze for who knew how long, when I became aware of the world outside of my mind again, there was a hand in mine, and Soda's voice soothing in my ear.

"We'll be okay Pony. I know you were closet to them. Especially with all that hiding out and stuff. But we can make it. Darry and I were grieving as well but we should have noticed. We should have tried to help you deal with it first. Like we did when Mom and Dad died. You've always been the emotional one. Your heart is just so big it hurts you more. I'm sorry we didn't think of you as much as we should have."

Realizing I hadn't spoken a word since awakening either time. I cracked open dry lips and croaked out his name. He offered me water from the bedside table and we talked awhile. The door swished open and my head swung towards the down before I remembered it wouldn't tell me who had entered. Soda leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"It's Darry and the nurse. Pony, we have to send you to counseling."

* * *

Jade- Wow,.. Been 3 years since I started this story. I hope I did alright.

Soda- Well, I suppose I should thank you for letting him live.. But you made him blind??

Jade- Trust me, I was close to letting him die and continue the story in heaven… with Dally and Johnny.


End file.
